How Do I Live With Ptsd? I’ve Been On The Wrong Path

When all is said and done, we’re all going to have a different type of balance between our physical and emotional selves.

I had been feeling like I was on the wrong path for years at that point. The emotional part of myself had always been stronger, always been able to pull through and overcome. But my physical side had been going through quite a bit of problems, even chronic depression. I’d been feeling like I had been out of balance on the emotional side, even before I knew I was. When I finally realized I had been working with a mental balance problem for several years I realized that it would probably be easier to do the transition to the new emotional and spiritual side. I just needed to get out of the shadow zone and get back to being myself. I didn’t want to be a different person in my own mind. I didn’t want to feel like I had to change anything I already knew how to be. I’d already accepted myself as a different person from before even that, and if there was one aspect of your personality that you were sure you could never change and it held sway over everything else, you’d want to deal with that, too. Now, when I look back I realize I was quite naive of the type of balance I had been focusing on in the past. The one thing you can never change is your emotional temperament. You can change the amount of physical activity you have, but you can never change your emotional state.

So I gave up being the type of person who is afraid of losing friends and family over this. I’m always going to have that part of the personality in me, I can’t escape it. But I also realized I’m more than capable of loving my friends in ways I might not love my family members. I just needed to be able to acknowledge it and be present with it. This is another aspect of balance we need to look for and learn. We all need to practice being present to our emotions in a very direct and honest way. It’s not a bad thing to be present to your emotions, it’s not an affront to anyone who is not. But it can be a hindrance to your ability to be true to yourself and your needs. Sometimes you need to tell the person what’s going on within your heart that you’re letting it out, and the other person might not have a clue. Sometimes you need to tell someone else what makes you feel the way you do. And it’s often difficult to find that balance between letting this out and keeping your boundaries with other people. Because of the type of person I am and where I came from I often get very self-conscious about not being present for other people. In my old life I was much more likely to react in anger or hurt over a perceived slight or mistake instead of thinking of another person. So it’s definitely important to keep boundaries.

In retrospect, I’ve learned I can’t hide my emotions and the fact someone doesn’t get it and then blame someone else for the problems I want to solve. I still go back to the idea of what it’s like for me to grow old and experience this, and when I think about the things that have happened during my life in this phase of my life I always remember that not everyone has had the experience I have had that time. I’ve also learned that I should feel grateful for life and my present life is going fairly well (maybe more than I should). Sometimes this results in being very thankful for what I have. It’s important to remember that the past is gone and you have the ability to look forward to the future. I also found some good ways to deal with my emotional states and situations. For example, I stopped allowing my sadness and anxiety to prevent anything from going on in my life. I stopped trying so much to figure out how to manage my depression, or how to maintain a positive state. I stopped giving in to the emotions and just going with it while having a really great day. Sometimes I would give in to an emotion and then go through the motions of doing the opposite of that emotion in the same day. This can be very draining.

This is just a few of the tools I used in my journey, there are many more that I’ve found that have helped me get out through the pain, but I hope everyone can find some small relief in what I’ve written. There’s nothing you have to do with this that’s wrong. I just didn’t have the tools available to me and there are so many tools to get out of the shadow zone. There’s also people who have experienced this and have similar experiences that have had some good guidance.