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Wellness

How My Son’s Life Became So Much Greater Than I Ever Imagined

I never anticipated being able to be with my son more often than two hours in a day, much less to be the father of his child. As life-changing as it is, these are only some of the things I’m learning about my son. He’s not living a perfect life but I’m getting to know my son and seeing how he’s able to change the universe, and he’s doing it in a way that matters.

My son is very unique. He grew up with no money, no cell phone and no car. He was raised by his grandparents and was often the only person able to get anything done. He and I don’t have the same background or upbringing. I wasn’t able to give him the gifts that I was lucky enough to have. He had very little motivation to work hard. As the saying goes, “you never know in life who’s been there before you but you do now.”

This was also the first part of our conversation that I wasn’t completely sure how to start. I was talking to my son, his first words, “I’m going to be in a good place when I graduate and go off to college,” and that’s where I had my initial misgivings.

It was in May that my husband told me he was in love with one of his business partners and wanted to marry into the firm. My son was still in middle school at the age of seven and this change seemed drastic. We were both very concerned. How do you know if someone is “in love” unless one of you is already married and dating, I kept saying. I asked my son what he would say a few times and he didn’t know. He was too young to have the maturity or the ability at that time. This just felt like I was falling in love again.

The two of them had talked many times about getting married later in life. I told him there wasn’t much you could do about it now, and that I wished we could’ve waited until our son was older. We both cried. He was a young man who was looking for a normal relationship with a woman he loves, so he felt like the whole world was falling down at that moment. As time rolled on, he asked why I wasn’t angry at him over his romantic feelings. I had been angry before but when I was angry with my son it was for good reason, something else was going on.

In November my son broke down in my arms. He came into my office crying hysterically. He was sad and scared and said that he wanted to go back to school and that his life was about to change dramatically. It was a very emotional time for us, as a family, and a few of the things that I felt I couldn’t say and wouldn’t know how to respond to. I was a new mom and was also a single mom. I had never been there so far. My husband was there to support my son and help me through this rough time.

As it turns out, there is nothing we can do.

This is the time of our lives, these are the times that matter. It was also one of the most challenging times in our lives to date. I was so new to my job and was feeling overwhelmed at work. My husband helped me navigate this part of my life with our son. I had been doing it for the past three years. My daughter was in grade school and was in a different school district. This made things easier since she was going to school next to the family. Our son was home schooled and we moved out of his old house for the time being. My husband and I both took jobs and were unable to spend much time together. We had to make it work. He had his own part-time job and my son had to stay in school.

This is also the time when our home became filled with memories from our very first day. On Wednesday, April 2, 2010 a friend of our son’s said that the first thing you do when you start going to the office is check your e-mails.