How To Avoid An Unplanned Pregnancy

We always hear the advice to “just let nature take its course”, but in reality there are many things you can do to avoid having a baby before you or your partner is ready.

I am a 34 year old woman and my husband is a 35 year old engineer. We have been married for 5 years and we plan to try for a little over a year and a half. We are not in a relationship so we are not worried about what others think and we think the idea of parenting on one’s own is an exciting one. However, as I read all the “how to avoid an unexpected pregnancy” articles, I see things I haven’t seen in years. In fact, in my mind this is the worst advice for this generation.

The article says:

“What do I need to do to avoid an unexpected pregnancy?” What if you do get pregnant (maybe through something as crazy as a fling or sex) will you suddenly realize and feel bad about your sex life? It doesn’t sound good. Instead, make an honest effort to meet and date some people who you feel are compatible and don’t have a huge interest in babies. There is a huge difference between “dateable” and “comfy”. If they are compatible, you will have a much better chance of having a quality, good-looking partner to have a child with (who is also fun/interesting). Don’t forget to try not smoking. If you do, try not drinking alcohol while trying to conceive. Also be aware of vitamin B and mineral deficiencies that can make sperm unstable. You can reduce these problems by taking a prenatal vitamin.

I know this is supposed to be funny but it just doesn’t get more offensive than “do some self care first and then have sex! Then pick a partner who is more compatible for having children, because that will make things easier!” Seriously, I can’t believe a woman would say this. If you are sexually active, I really don’t care if you don’t have sex before or after you try for a baby.

The author continues:

Don’t think of yourself as someone at a point in their reproductive years who wouldn’t mind a baby but really needs a partner. You are far more likely to enjoy having a baby with someone who wants one than someone only interested in your sex life. If you want a baby, have sex! And if you don’t want a baby, you don’t have to have sex!

Awwwwwww. If this is the first time this has ever crossed my mind, I am so sorry.

Don’t forget to be honest about your feelings. I get that the article is funny but it’s also a piece of advice that doesn’t help anyone. If you feel bad about not wanting a baby then tell them that but be honest about your problems. If you go into some self-deprecating detail about your sexual problems then that is a good idea. It may help them to understand.¬† If you are honest about your health issues they will be better treated (not that we should all stop being healthy in order to have a family, but it will make the process more transparent and less stressful. I feel there was some sexual harassment in my school. I wasn’t allowed in a club because I was too fat and was judged by my looks. I was also a smoker and didn’t want kids so I never went to events even though I was pretty popular. The school was so stressed by the fact that I was overweight that it even threatened my student visa. It was a horrible school so I always felt a bit guilty about being fat. But I did go. So I feel that I am being treated in a shitty way just because I am overweight. That is how it seemed. ¬†Some people would say it was unfair but maybe I was looking in the mirror at how I look without all the weight I got as an adult. You may love your body and it may be beautiful but it needs love, too. I also know some women who have fathered children and said it was awful, but the pregnancy hormones are real and you can feel the baby’s heartbeat in your belly. I do remember feeling so helpless and I can’t even imagine having that. That was so awful.

I have a feeling I will be the butt of tons of jokes in the future about how I was fat when I wanted a baby but wasn’t a huge help in the bedroom.

Some people have a baby on their own which is totally okay. However, the article is also not true. There are many women who can only conceive on their own (I am one of them). The author has an advantage that she is not fat but at 34 years old she probably knows her body so better than most women my age. I am not an expert, no way.