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Wellness

How To Change An Unhappy Relationship By Doing Things For Them

To change an emotionally abusive relationship from harmful to beneficial takes work. If you’re already a victim of abuse and trying to change your life — or, you’re a bystander who wants to help — this book will be a useful reminder of what you can do — and what you can’t do — to change an abusive situation.

My sister once asked me if I had ever written a book. She said, ‘I want to write a book about abusive relationships.’ I laughed. Her question wasn’t far off, given the frequency of my response when others ask, and the question of what I have in store for you.

It took me a long time to write this book because my book is not simply about how to change our relationship to someone, an idea I think of as common-sense–it’s also about how it is best to go about change in the first place and what to do if it doesn’t work. It’s all in the book.

My first book, How to Be a Person Again, which was a book about healing from abuse and anger. It tells the story of how I first discovered my healing power, from an abusive marriage to healing from other forms of abuse, and of my personal journey as I grew up to be a person who was healed from all kinds of physical, emotional, and spiritual abuse (the list is endless). My goal with this second book is to create a book that is focused on the most common behaviors that prevent a person from being a person again–behavior that can be learned and unlearned, and that doesn’t have to be repeated in their lives for the rest of their lives.

My other book is also a book about how to change an emotionally abusive relationship: The 5 Core Principles of Healing from an Abusive Relationship .

I wanted to write a book that shared my experiences in an accessible format, as though I could hear your story for the first time and then share that story. I hope this book is at least entertaining.

How to Change an Abusive Relationship By Doing Things For Them includes some exercises in areas such as anger, gratitude, trust, compassion, communication, communication, negotiation, respect, and self-worth.

These steps must be followed by the abuser to get results:

1) Make certain that you do not repeat any of the following: 3. Abandoning someone or giving up to the abuser 1) Abandoning someone or giving up to the abuser 3. Saying no 1) Saying no 3. Leaving or making an unsafe call 3) Leaving or making an unsafe call 4. Ignoring their actions 2) Ignoring their actions 4. Turning a blind eye 2) Turning a blind eye 3. Using guilt in connection with them 2) Using guilt in connection with them 3. Making excuses to avoid doing something 2) Making excuses to avoid doing something 4. Not giving them space to express themselves 2) Not giving them space to express themselves 3. Making assumptions 2) Making assumptions 4. Stonewalling 2) Stonewalling 3. Pretending to love them 1) Pretending to love them 3. Making a scene 2) Making a scene 4. Trying to justify their behavior 1) Trying to justify their behavior 3. Trying to make you suffer for their behavior 2) Trying to make you suffer for their behavior 3. Giving their control (their choice) over your life — even your money or your time 1) Giving their control (their choice) over your life — even your money or your time 4. Using violence as a form of “control” 1) Using violence as a form of “control” 2) Begging for acceptance 1) Begging for acceptance 2) Being threatened 1) Being threatened 2) Being beaten or threatened 1) Being beaten or threatened 2) Being threatened 3) Being lied to/misled 1) Being lied to/misled 2) Being punished/abused 2) Being punished/abused

Here are some examples of this list that can be used in a personal relationship.

If you are an adult victim of emotional abuse, the following list is a good start to the discussion that follows.

1. “Abusively rude, demeaning, or angry at someone,” as this can start what I call the “unpleasant dance.” It can start by being hurtful verbally, to the point that you’re feeling hurt, scared, or guilty about what has happened (this isn’t necessarily what the other person is doing). Eventually, someone will use a combination of all four to harm and hurt. The list of behaviors can be similar or different, depending on the situation. 1. Threaten to hurt you when you try to get someone to take responsibility for the way they behave 1. Threaten to hurt you when you try to get someone to take responsibility for the way they behave 2.