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Wellness

How To Change The Way You Talk

Many of my friends will tell ya that their first instinct is to tell you how stupid you are for being so uptight about sex, drugs, and religion. So why don’t you use talk to change? I’m in the habit of never getting upset with my friends and never taking it out on them when they don’t know better. It feels wrong not to. It’s the “wrong thing” to do. You get to learn and grow with someone, not have them learn and grow with you.

There is a fine line between good speech and bad speech. And that line is this: Do you feel you have to be a professional or a religious leader to say what you have to say? When you can say what you’re passionate about or have to deal with people every second of every day, you will do so without having to make an attempt at polite, political-correctness speech. I have heard people say you need a religious leader to say what you believe in, but in most cases they are talking about “religious” leaders. Some religious organizations, or spiritual leaders are not talking about religion at all, and simply want to change the way people talk. Most of what I know about the spiritual world is learned from my experience interacting with people who are deeply spiritual. There is not much difference between what I call “spiritual” and what you call “spiritual” leaders. As Christians we often hear that “you have to talk like this to succeed.” So what happens if you don’t? Sometimes our voices don’t belong to us. Sometimes they are a part of our family, or a part of something larger than yourself. I have to say that I’m not a religious leader, for I don’t believe in any gods. But I have to be in the spiritual life. I’ve learned so much about my spirituality from talking to God. It is not something I can choose or choose not to do.

But there are some things that are so difficult to talk about, and if I tell you what is most difficult to talk about, chances are you will have a hard time understanding or believing me. The most difficult thing I have ever had to talk about is sex. As a Christian, I love my wife. She’s so attractive and I love her more than I could ever express in the language of religion. But this is where I feel it’s dangerous to reveal my experience of sex to people who don’t already believe I am a godly person. Most Christian people can easily understand how my experience with sex will create doubt, but for them, their experience with sex is already God’s. There is a reason a woman is asked why she does not like it when her husband does not have an orgasm . Not only are women expected to please, but because women are seen as being a good influence on men, a woman who does not please her husband is seen as a traitor to God, a bad influence, and so on. If a man is the wife of a godly man, it is safe to say, her body will be pleasing to him through out the rest of her life. If a man makes her think he is a godly man, it is safe to say she will go through life with a feeling of guilt over every man she has ever been with and possibly feel a need to “repent” and “convert to God” to regain trust. This is especially likely if she is in an abusive marriage where the husband treats her in ways she would not want her husband to treat an average woman. If that happens too often, she may develop the belief that she needs to make something of herself by doing whatever she needs to do to please her husband. This is not just my experience – there is plenty of empirical evidence about the impact of sexual repression on women.

As a Christian, it should not be very hard for me to tell women the truth: I didn’t have sex with my wife the whole time we were married. We used each other. My wife used to talk to me and tell me how good it was to do what she did, so I was very open to the idea of having sex. After a few weeks of experimenting with sex, and not being able to achieve orgasm, I stopped trying. At that time, I was still an early believer in the Bible. But at the same time, I saw my marriage for what it really was. I felt very guilty that I had let my God down and tried very hard not to bring up my experience of sex every time I talked with my wife anymore.