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Wellness

How To Change Your Emotions

When a person feels bad and feels bad because they feel bad, it has a cascading effect.

You can’t change people. That’s the whole point. But you can change your response when someone is feeling really bad. A person who is sad needs someone who will not only be there for them when they feel bad, but at the same time will cheer them up when they feel good. That’s why a therapist who’s not a psychiatrist is so great. A therapist knows how to make that connection right away. But then, a sad person sometimes wants the help of a psychologist. So do you help a person to come down off their high horse and into a different emotional space? Or will you just get in the way, keeping them from doing what they need to do to solve their problems?

When I feel sad, I like people who make me feel better. So, when someone is sad, I want to be there for them when they feel bad about what’s happened. I don’t want to be a pain because they aren’t happy about it. Because when someone is sad, they’re hurting. They want somebody to be able to cheer them up. And then when the tears started, the same person would tell me, “I’m going to take the time now to really get to know you. I want you to know that we’ve got to get to know this girl better.” This guy would say to me, “She has to see herself in me, in this person.” “OK. OK. I’m here for you.”

I want someone to do that when I have a really bad day. If there’s someone who is able to get back to me without the help of a psychologist, then that’s great. I’d love if that person was going to be in touch with me every single day of my life and be there for me if I needed them. That’s what I call “proactive therapy.” It’s important. It’s great to have someone who has seen this person a lot and to know that they can be a friend as well as a therapist.

A “battling depression” blog was written by a psychiatrist named Jodi Dean. She makes a point about how important it is for us to work on ourselves rather than trying to do something about other people. What makes you think that’s a good idea? When I hear somebody say, “We need to fight depression,” it makes me feel good because, I feel like people don’t really want to have an opportunity to talk about that. I think it hurts a lot more for somebody who has mental health issues to see it as being like, “I’m just going to go and get help. Because you’re just going to blame this other person and get it over with,” and it’s always not just us. We need to have some responsibility when we have mental health problems. So I feel like we don’t want to talk about it, either.

But at the same time this is very easy; it’s very easy to say, “I’m going to deal with all my own stuff, and then we can talk about it,” and have no way of communicating with your buddy who you feel like you could be helping.

“Fighting depression” is about “getting it over with.” You don’t have to go to any more therapy. You don’t have to get a mental illness. You don’t have to be hospitalized. You don’t need to feel that somebody needs your help and you don’t have to make promises because the next time you’re not going to be around they may not keep you.

“There’s another kind of people who are trying to fight against depression. You see a lot of them trying to get people in touch with drugs, or psych clinics, or whatever. And you go, ‘Well, that’s not what we’re trying to do. We’re not trying to go to anybody because we believe they’re not going to help us, and they’re going to just keep pushing us away and pushing us away.’ And you know, ‘They’re the ones who are not doing anything for us.’ And you never see them trying to help others.”

This idea that someone is going to be able to magically solve my problems, you know, make me feel better, and be like, “Oh, that’s the solution. That’s what you’ve done,” is just not true. And that’s also the other thing. I really like my friend, even though he’s very upset. You know, I have people that love me, even when they are hurting. Like, my friend doesn’t have bipolar disorder, but he has depression.