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Wellness

How To Get Over Someone You Love (or Lose Someone You Love) Without Breaking Up

It’s not easy to let go of someone you love. It’s not easy to say good riddance. But you can learn to do both. You will be happier, more fulfilled, and perhaps get another chance to catch the person you love in the act of falling. But before you can catch her in the act, she has to stop falling.

I’m a dad. I know a thing or two about letting go. That first trip to see your newborn has always been a tricky thing to handle. I’m a dad. I know a thing or two about letting go. That first trip to see your newborn has always been a tricky thing to handle. When Mom and Dad bring you home, you sit there wondering when and how you can leave. How do you tell those little girls with two mommies that you no longer have to take them to daycare? But when I tell you I’m coming home, I mean it. My heart will be there, just like everyone is there, whether I’m on the way or not. Then we have to go to the hospital and get you all well. When we’re there, there’s no talking. There’s no listening. No trying to make small talk to see how the other one is doing. You’re just there. I’ve seen friends go through this with the same intensity you’re feeling. Once you put the “out break” out of the picture, your body naturally tries to heal. And guess what? You end up feeling better. You end up going home feeling kind of cool. I know what you’re thinking, Mom or Daddy. Is that all? But no. As much as we want to stay and fix things, we have to let go. We have to let go of the pain.

Then after we do, we just sit back, let go, and talk about that kid again. How is he doing this time? Is he doing okay? Has anything happened? There’s nothing you can do. We have to let that last moment of love go. For us, the last goodbye has to be as painful as the first moment and we both have to just move on. Because you know what? Love is a gift and it’s what gives people the space to heal. It’s what makes family members feel safe and loved. Love is what lets you be free. You have to let that last goodbye go. Let go of the pain. No matter how you do it, the end result is the same. A parent, a sister, a buddy gets that final goodbye together. No matter what, family can’t get more than that.

It takes great courage to let go of someone you love. And it doesn’t happen quickly or easily. I know this because I’ve done it. I’ve learned a thing or two about letting go over time. I know your first steps will be difficult. You may feel angry with your baby, but remember your child is not out to hurt you. He’s out to protect you, or, more likely, try to save you. In other words, sometimes your baby will surprise you and give you the big push you need to let go. When I was a kid, my mother was my first love. We would talk on the phone every day. We talked about everything. I had never seen her in this state of happiness. We weren’t on the phone because we wanted to be. We were on the phone because she needed to talk about something and I couldn’t say it to her. But I knew that one day we would. We would get that call, we would listen to the phone ring, we would see the look on her face. And that’s exactly how we did it. We talked about your love for her. We talked about your pain. We talked about what needed to happen to make her happy again. We talked about your love for other kids. We talked about a lifetime of friendship. We talked about our memories. And we ended just at the right time. We listened to our little girl, and then she took her last breath. The look of her lips were no different from the look of them when she was still so funny. Her smile was no different even though she was no longer this sweet little girl. Her final breath turned into this scream. And as a parent you knew she had lost everything for a good reason. She had lost me. She lost my job. She lost my car.