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Wellness

How To Have The Confidence To Ask For What You Want

It’s all very well to talk and talk about why you want a particular thing. And it’s even more of a virtue to act on a desire that seems right up until the moment you realize no amount of reason or logic will change that…

We are all guilty of getting caught up in a momentary feeling rather than considering the implications of our desire.

Confidence, on the other hand, is a quality that is often difficult to find. For example: you feel confident that your partner will never leave you, or that you will never lose your job, or that no-one will ask you to do something you don’t want to do. You do these things and you believe it because you have confidence, it works, and you’ve done it before.

Confidence is a quality that must be gained and developed. To develop confidence, it must be applied. To apply it, it must be cultivated. To cultivate it, you must start out with a clear desire that you want to achieve and a clear intention of how you will accomplish that desire.

You can’t do that with a wish.

You have to do that with a plan.

If you have a specific desire, and you’ve built something that gets that done, then you’ve managed to actually put that in motion. If everything is done with a clear desire, you’ve managed to get something done. If no-one has any idea what you are up to, you’ve managed to avoid doing yourself and your partner a disservice. That’s a huge deal because you’ll have built confidence without having to get anyone’s approval, without ever having to give anything in return.

Of course, you can’t apply a plan to a wish, it can’t work. And this is where the idea of starting with a wish and gradually building towards a plan comes in.

The wish you have must have a very specific beginning, a clear end, and a specific beginning and end. And that end must be something that is possible. The wish you’ve developed must have a plan that will take you from your initial wish to your final intention. That’s why the idea of the plan is so important. 

This is a good example of the difference between a wish and a plan. At the moment:

You dream up an idea to buy a new car.

You talk with some friends about how they want to make money.

You try to read an author that you haven’t read before and you get turned off by all the stuff you read that will make it harder for you to find your motivation.

You start taking notes in a notebook and you keep putting down the same thoughts you had five pages in.

After a month you are still reading the same book: that can’t last.

You decide to take the plan one step at a time.

You decide that for every book you read you will do something that you might not do if you were to read the book completely at a single sitting.

One by one you find things that you really like, that you really want to do and that will keep you from putting down that notebook and falling into an old routine which will keep you from doing exactly what you want.

And after a year and a half, you’re happy with your results: you can start to keep and read books that you’re reading and you’re enjoying talking to people who are new to you. It’s just a matter of time, work, and effort…

But this is also an excellent example of how a wish can turn into a plan. The idea is a fantastic one, but if it doesn’t have a way of actually succeeding in the end, it will be no use at all.

And you can do exactly what you did with the car.

As you talk with your friends about your plan, you have to ask yourself what it is you actually believe in, what you can afford to commit yourself to. You ask yourself “If this fails, will I be disappointed? Will I be a total failure? Is everyone in my life going to say that I wasn’t a real woman?” It’s important to keep the possibility of your plan failing in mind for every decision you make in your life.

You will be disappointed, you’ll be a complete failure if you fail and are treated badly in return.