How To Increase The Power Of Your Brain

It’s not easy, but in many situations an even small amount of power and influence is worth the effort.  When you are motivated and energized, the words of those around you are often echoed and sometimes amplified.  For instance, if you say, “Hey, what’s up?” in a voice that isn’t too loud, the next time that person hears you utter the same phrase, the echo will be stronger, and the relationship will be more lasting.

As my wife has said many times, when you are in a relationship with someone with ADHD, all it takes is a slight tweak in your relationship in order for it to go to the next level. The one thing that would be better than an instant win is for her to feel like her relationship can make a difference for someone with ADHD. That seems too good to be true, though, and my wife has seen no dramatic change whatsoever in her relationship with me as a result of her advice or help. Perhaps a small tweak here and there–just a little change in how you say your “I love yous” or “I’m sorrys.” Or if you have been through counseling, you might find counseling or a therapist to be really helpful. But there is no magic fix–just some tiny little bits of power that people with ADHD seem to have.

For me, a few small bits of power started to happen the first time that I said, “I love you.”

For instance, at the time I wrote “I love you” I didn’t know that I could actually control my ability to say it–I was just going by the sound that the words seemed to make. With practice, though, I could say it and not have that voice sound so “unpredictable.” So whenever my wife would see my face on the screen, instead of seeing a face drawn in paint or the expression of a frightened dog, she would see “I love you” written across the top of my eyes. It wasn’t that big a change. My wife didn’t see any changes in her relationship until I said “I love you.”  Not even a smile. Just a little note of appreciation for saying “yes.” And that made a huge difference in the quality of our relationship.

Another thing that started to happen after I made that first “I love you” was that I was able to be more deliberate with “I’m sorry.” I could use “yes, I’m sorry,” and the other person wouldn’t be the one to have to say, “Please don’t make this any harder than it already is.”  Now the other person has to ask me, “What’s up?” or “Why are you looking at me like that?”

What’s also remarkable is that my ability to think, do, or experience in a particular way is greatly improved by my ability to stop and pause and say, “Wow.  That’s right.  I got it.  I think I get it.” This helps me focus.  I no longer feel like I’m wandering in a fog or trying to recall a scene off the top of my head. This is something that I’ve always had difficulty with. But it makes life seem simpler and a lot more logical to me–like I’m a better, more organized, person.

I still get surprised by just how quickly you can start developing these small changes in your brain power that help you in any area.  For instance, in January I went on an overland trek up in Alaska with my best friend.  We were planning on taking turns hiking up a mountain, but my friend couldn’t really handle it.  So my friend told me that he had been seeing my face on the screen–I still don’t remember seeing it–for the entire hike there (and back). For years, I would have been so angry–why couldn’t he just see my face in the monitor? But now, it just seems like a little blink of the eye. We were running out of time, and I was saying, “Hey, let’s stop.  Why not just see each other every once in a while for a little bit, okay?” We did.   We saw each other the entire way up.  

This is another case where you can’t believe how quickly these small changes can happen, especially when things are really going well.