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How To Increase Your Sexual Drive Without Dealing With The Emotional Fears That Can Make You Lose Control

You just have to understand that your sexual excitement is your brain’s way of protecting you from harmful emotions and thoughts. They try to fight off the excitement by shutting down the brain that creates it. This causes pain and tension, so that when the feelings go away, they come back in greater intensity and greater strength. When you discover how strong your emotions can be, you’ll realize that if you’re not willing to confront them, you’ll never be able to control them.  So let your passion be your guide.

This is a post written for a workshop that Amy and I co-organized for people who have lost their sexual drive, as well as their ability to have intimate, healthy, and fun relationships. In this workshop, we are taking a different approach than I normally give these. As a result, the tone of the writing may not be as clear and easy to understand for some readers.   In addition, some of the things that may seem very obvious to some may not be as obvious to others. ____________________________ In recent years, some people have felt a great fear of falling in love with another person, and this fear causes them to suffer from a variety of physical and psychological problems. A new study published in the journal  Archives of Sexuality  finds that this fear can actually cause a person to suffer mental illness and even suicide, so why has it been around for so long?

In the study, researchers tested the effects of what is known as ‘the fear of being in love’ by asking an adult male population to watch a brief film on a television for 30 minutes, afterwards.  Each person then took a questionnaire designed to measure their level of fear of losing their love.

As you can see from the above diagrams of the subjects, only the people with low fears of the loss of their love reported high levels of happiness as well as higher levels of physical health, which indicates that the fear itself was not at all associated with physical or mental health and in fact caused an inverse correlation. In this new study, the results of this experiment suggest that a strong fear of losing love can actually cause you to suffer from mental illnesses and even suicide. The fear of losing something that is so important in your life can actually cause you to feel depressed or even suicidal.

We have all seen this effect before; someone we care about shows depression and emotional instability, and we take on the role of ‘the therapist’, trying to help them recover emotionally from the difficult times they go through. The fact is, we can also do the opposite, which is to help someone feel better.

I was one of the therapists in this study, and when I was presenting this findings, I had a lot of patients tell me that what I was telling them was ‘untrue’. That they were ‘too clingy’ and even ‘too clingy’ with someone, and that they weren’t giving them enough space.

The truth is, what they weren’t taking into account was that this study only tested for attachment and that people’s attachment to the partners they were with was a completely separate issue. People who say that they don’t want a ‘clinger’ but are actually scared of being ‘too clingy’ are actually scared of their relationship and therefore, more concerned with the idea of losing their ‘clinginess’ than their partner’s love. Even if they do fear losing their partner’s love, the fear may be misplaced, and may also be causing them mental illness instead.  

When you allow love and attachment to co-exist, it becomes a lot easier to deal with feelings as ‘love’ rather than feelings as ‘crave’. In a recent study published in  Psychological Reports  on the effects of attachment, the researchers found that when attachment and the love of the partner were found in the same study, the participants felt less pain and were more able feel their emotions.  A recent study that was published in  Personality and Individual Differences  found that people who had higher attachment and love levels were less attracted to potential partners who were low in love and attachment levels. This is just another aspect of attachment, and it doesn’t mean that you can’t also fall in love with someone, but only that their relationship with you will depend on whether or not your attachment and love levels are balanced.