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Wellness

How To Make New Friends, But Without Losing Your Soul

You get to choose how you behave, what you do and think. You can make friends with any number of new people and change your behavior and beliefs to better suit that new crowd. Just do it in a way that doesn’t put you in a position where you have to choose who you are from the people you’re hanging around with.

The one thing I’ve noticed when befriending new people in my life is the following: You just pick a new person to befriend and that person you choose is completely different from the friend I went out with for four years. I’ve found that the people you choose can be a real source of strength when you’re trying to change yourself. Just take a moment and be brave and pick and choose who you want to be your friend.

It’s a lot less intimidating when you see the same people with which you’re having a conversation. You notice that the same patterns and habits are present – and you’re also starting to see new patterns and habits that might help you in your life.

You notice that there’s a connection between certain things, even if there’s only a connection between two people. This helps you make a big leap of faith that, in some strange way, you’re onto something.

“Hanging around people you feel comfortable with in an environment where you can freely make friends can create some very amazing experiences.” –Tara Brach

So, with that, here’s what you need to know to make friends.

1. Find people who are happy to become your new best friends.

Most people don’t even know what that means — and you are not their friend just because they think you are.

Make sure you come along with someone who wants that new friendship to work — and to really be friends. This is a good place to start because it’s a good thing to be able to have two people in the same place at the same time who want their friendship to work.

If there are two people who are happy and you can join their conversation, it can create a great chance for you to make friends.

You want to take the people you’re sharing conversation with and see if they’re happy. If they’re happy, then you know to keep talking. Otherwise, make them the first person you say no to – and that person is the friend that you want to have for the long haul.

2. Look for people who feel like they can help you.

There are two points here. First are the people who have helpful habits. Do you have some positive, helpful habits? If so, try to see if you can add these habits to your new friends conversation.

If you know someone who has great manners and respect for others, give them the opportunity to be your friend. (The other person might want to say something like “oh, I’ve heard this before –” but you always learn something new from a simple, honest and supportive connection.)

Second, you have the opposite problem with the people out there who can’t help you. If you find the opposite, make their new friend problem. If they’re just in a bad mood, and you’re a problem, find people who can make them feel better.

This way, you’re both in the same place, and you both have a shot to learn something.

3. You need to do some convincing

“You can’t make this up. I just found out someone is my friend. I’m so happy.” –Alexandra

“I just wanted to share with you how great it is having a friend. I’ve got a couple other people, but this is my friend, and I think it makes us much closer and happier.” –Sandra

4. Be positive.

The best way to keep your options open is to be positive.