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Wellness

How To Stop Being Shy And Talk To People

Talking face to face is an exercise in trust and understanding. Here’s how to learn how to effectively communicate.

Talking face to face is an exercise in trust and understanding, not only because you can express yourself with more confident authority than when you’re sitting alone in a room, but also because you have the chance to learn a thing or two about that other person. It’s not just about hearing what they have to say, it might be about hearing how they feel, or listening for that one sentence that they know is the one. You can learn who that person is and what they are concerned about, and how they might get in touch with them. By listening they might open up to a new relationship. By talking to them they might open in on something in particular.

It’s not so much about knowing who they are as it is finding out what things they might want from you. Who they are might be very different from how you imagine them, but you can learn a lot, sometimes about how they feel about themselves, sometimes about what they might need. This is something you’ll have to work out for yourself, but the important thing is to start with what you know about them from reading the paper or talking with friends. You can use this as a base until you know more about them.

When you go to a new place you might expect not to get along with everyone. It might take you a while to get your head around the new culture. You might expect a lot of people to be talking one way rather than another. You might assume people think more highly of you because you look like the person in the video. You might expect a lot of people to be rude.

Well you’ll find out a lot about your fellow citizens in the first few weeks of living in a new place, and you might be surprised at the variety and quality of people you’ll meet. You might not like everything they think or say, but you’ll also meet people who will give you great and sometimes funny advice in return.

So first of all make friends when you get there, even if they’re not very nice to you. Don’t waste your time trying to convert people, they probably won’t change their minds. If they’re rude or don’t listen to you don’t lose your temper. You may want to ask their advice about how it can be better, but keep it civil. Just make sure you keep a polite attitude and that you don’t make eye contact if they’re just too busy talking.

Try using the people you have around you to practise talking to people. Just keep it friendly, it will pay off. And try to relax. You might take a lot of crap from a hostile group of people in the first few years, but you’ll also learn that sometimes it’s good to be nice. That’s just an important lesson in getting used to this new culture.

When you move to a new place you may have to learn about new customs, but the worst thing is getting used to people thinking you’re a dumb tourist in an unfamiliar land. You’ll still encounter many of them, but the ones you can tolerate are easier to deal with.

Try to accept some of those cultural differences, including the fact that some people have different ideas of what it means for a man to talk with a woman in a group, or for a woman to use the bathroom in public. A lot depends on where you live, and where you live it might be different for you. But you’ll learn a lot about what people from one culture might think of something, even something as obvious as the use of the word ‘fag’. The point is, learn that people in other cultures have different ways of talking, and try to accommodate them when you can.

But not everyone has a culture that might upset you or make you feel strange. And of course you’ll have things you’d have to get used to even if they didn’t upset you.