How To Stop Feeling Like You Don’t Fit In

When you feel like someone is watching your every move, it’s a sure sign you aren’t. If you’re feeling trapped by something, that is also something that isn’t fair. Let go. It’s time for change.

It’s not easy for a lot of us to recognize an inner pain—in fact sometimes it’s more painful than seeing them come out. But this internal pain is real and it’s more powerful than we might like to know. It’s time to step up and do your own self-work.

This video is a good time to remember that you are not alone. Even the loudest person can hear us, feel us, and feel sad. For me, finding this strength came from watching and listening to my mom, a strong, very capable mother. She was a good artist—she wrote stories, plays, poems, and stories for her friends: I used to love to call her to get the poetry out, even when she wasn’t around. Her quiet, confident voice carried down the years.

She loved what she did. She loved her family, her job—she was a strong, amazing artist. She loved the people she worked with. She was selfless. I used to tell her, “You should always be doing the best work you can do. You shouldn’t be working because you have to.” 

I’m afraid there are some who think women should just stick around and work. They say that, since women are doing this stuff, we need to keep doing it, if not now this time next year . I’m not hearing you, mom…

I am asking you to make this work for you and those that you love. We need to stop focusing on what our husband, parents, and children don’t understand. We need to stop focusing on how uncomfortable we feel because it’s not all the time. We need to focus on taking care of ourselves so that we can take care of others.

To do that, we need to stop feeling like we don’t fit with people of our own family, because it hurts us too. If you’re feeling this way, I encourage you not just to talk about it but to do something about it. Here are five action items:

1) Do something to start healing your relationship with yourself. This is hard, but you’re worth it.

2) Do something to build your relationships with other people. You love those people.

3) Get up and do something.

4) Find something to love again—maybe because it’s not what you thought it would be when you were a little girl with a love crush on the one person who loved you.

5) Talk to those people who love you.

If you’ve tried all the above and all you can think to do is talk about it, here’s the other option for you:

What if it’s too much to try? Here I’m talking to you, because it is. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who was so sick from it that they couldn’t take action.

But it’s always better to try, even if it means stepping away from the comfort of that comfort.

And if it feels like it’s not enough and you need to do something really big, consider writing this:

You have some power, dammit.

It is up to you.

Sometimes what I do works. And sometimes, sometimes my actions don’t get me what I want. And that’s okay.

But I always believe that, if I give everything I have and if I let go and stay curious, I can figure something out. Because I’ve been curious. I’ve been strong. I know I can take whatever steps to get what I want.

Take action. Stay on the journey. You can make it happen.