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Wellness

What Do You Want In Life?

If you are an intelligent person, the first thing someone else asks me is “What do you want in life?” If I answer that, the second thing is “What is the most important thing in life?” I don’t care about status or money. If I answer that, I think I have answered the question.

Let’s get something real out of the way: it’s time we face some hard truths. I don’t know if this is true in the US, but it’s true in most countries. If you don’t think someone knows this already, go to someone’s Facebook or Twitter profile and Google their name and the word “family.” Do you see the phrase in many of the posts? The word “Family” does not appear in every single one of their pictures and not in every one of their posts about their family’s business or whatever. They do not share a lot about their family life, their family’s life, their family’s feelings, their family’s issues or what they are going through right now. Not once in my entire lifetime have I heard a family member tell me what they are thinking, or even share with me any of the things they are thinking. Not once. I’ve never met someone, who has talked directly to me about their feelings, opinions, or what they are going through, and I’m not even going to pretend to say there’s really no way someone could be able to communicate through social media. I actually know of one person who has managed to work a little magic and managed to communicate with me about a lot of things. It’s just that he’s probably not the type of person you’d want to have dinner with.

I’m going to explain it to you slowly, so you can try to understand the point I’m trying to make when you don’t believe it already. Let’s think about what we mean when we say “Family” right now. Let’s look at these examples I gave earlier:

1. My parents. They are the closest thing I have to family. They are my family. We grew up together, we spent a lot of time together, and I was blessed to grow up with my parents who provided for me, gave me guidance and stability, and taught me how to be a human being. My parents did not have the best relationship, but they were definitely a great source of support, and in the long run they love each other very much. They did not get along with each other, but they were very much a brother-sister partnership. Even if the kids weren’t all that well off financially, they did support each other through all kinds of hard times, including being unemployed with a couple of kids at the time. They were always there for each other, and they love each other very much. It’s so easy to overlook and forget how much of a family thing this really is, though. Even the bad things, they do not leave behind. My dad was never the best father. He didn’t treat my mom poorly, and he had problems when he was a married man. My mom suffered through them as well. This is one of the reasons why I am so bitter towards my parents. My dad doesn’t know his dad. His father could care less about him. He doesn’t understand his own father, and my mom doesn’t understand her own mother. Both my parents have failed at keeping the love between them, and I still see the love, even if only in bits and pieces.

2. My ex. She left me, and she does not love me. The things that would make us fall in love, she won’t even acknowledge them. She will tell people things like “I was so happy when she told me she loved me, but then she went away to get married and had kids and that made us both sad. I think I am happier now that I found someone else who understands me completely.” In short, she’s in a weird place because she no longer understands herself. I don’t love her, and I don’t want to talk to her. If we were to sit on a couch and talk about our life together, it would take way too much time, and it would be way too personal and difficult. We don’t talk like that. We are a couple of adults in a relationship. I am at the peak of my career, and I don’t have any more friends than I did before I left, except for my ex. Our jobs both help us maintain what we have left of our relationship, so we feel okay about that.

3. The other girl. She’s the one I have been seeing for almost four months now, but I can’t wait to break that thing off with her. She just doesn’t seem like the person I want to spend the rest of my life with or have any kids with.