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Wellness

What I Learned From A Doctor Trying To Explain To Me What My Life Was Worth

It didn’t matter that I’d known more about medicine and drugs than most people, or that I’d dealt with a multitude of medical problems in my life — I was still a woman, a person who is still dealing with a lot of stigma, and a culture which still sees women as fragile and fragile-ness is not valued, regardless of the life that we have. To them, we are simply a means for life to continue on. That was my response; the doctor’s response: This is your life and the path that you are on, and so be proud of that, but be wary of the path ahead. To that I say: Thank you, for being you.

It’s very simple, and I’m going to take you through it: The universe consists of a multitude of things. Each of those things is going to impact us on a physical level in some way. They’re going to impact us in our thoughts, in our words, in our feelings. So what is so important to you? Your happiness? Your health? Your relationships? Are you able to make a rational and conscious decision that affects you? If the answer is yes, then you have to keep thinking about what you want; if your goal is to have a happy family and a happy job, then you’re going to have to look for that happiness. And if your goal is to avoid being alone, having an unhealthy relationship, feeling depressed, feeling helpless, or other negative feelings in life, you’re going to have to look for those other feelings. And the key is you have to change your thinking. Because if you don’t change those thoughts, then you can’t change your life.

You may feel like you’re “getting on good with yourself” — that you’re “tolerating yourself.” This may be true. And there’s truth to that. If you are feeling a need to change your behavior, I feel that you need to think about what you want. Because this is what’s gonna control the outcome. Your happiness, if you want to have it. If you want to have health, if you want to have your family, if you want to be surrounded by love, then that’s what is going to change the results. If you don’t have it, you’re never going to know what you want — you’ll just keep trying and trying until you do.

And so what has been happening to me since graduating law school is just a continuation of all other things. I had to change and learn new things to become a different and better person. It took a while, but eventually I did. If my goal was to have a happy family and a good job, well then I still want that — but I also want my happiness to be in a family with my partner, I want my happiness to be in a relationship with my best friend, and I want my happiness to be in an environment where people understand me and don’t judge me. I don’t want that. Instead of continuing to work and doing more and more with a specific goal, I need to change the mind-set that I have of what a life and a goal is. This is how I started: I asked myself: If I stop working and try to be happier, it’s because I’m unhappy, and I’m trying to fix the problem with happiness. But why shouldn’t I have to change how I be happy or how I act to have happiness?

If you’re not happy with yourself, get on a path where you can get out of that rut. I know it’s not easy. It’s a painful, scary, and sometimes frightening process. Don’t let fear get in your way: if you let it, you’ll end your journey feeling a fear of failure, a fear of not making it, a fear of losing yourself, a fear of not being able to be yourself. But let go of these thoughts: fear keeps something from you. And once you let fear go you’ll see an incredible change in your life. As you’re looking back, you’re going to see you were just trying to “be yourself” – you were merely reacting to your current state of mind – not changing yourself. It’s not a matter of changing your feelings or your belief system, and instead it’s about changing your state of mind. And once you’ve broken out of the rut and found your self, there’s no such thing as “failure” because everything you did succeeded and you felt amazing. But you’ll never know until you go. It’s up to you. Get your path and get on it. And just keep asking yourself, “What am I doing? Am I doing what I want?” If the answer is yes, you’re on one of the best paths that you can find. If the answer is no, then don’t fret.