Categories
Wellness

What I See When I Look At Me

My skin has the same brownish tinge as a person who has a very dark complexion, but in contrast with the skin tone of my friends, my skin is a pale, light green. This is when I see myself best: as what I most like to be: soft, light, and delicate.

It’s nice to have your hair color match yours, and it’s nice to have a round face to be able to smile at someone — something about having round cheeks and a round face makes you look happy. But my skin color is definitely different from the normal skin in my life because, on the inside of my face, there isn’t so much skin and there isn’t so much fat. It’s a very unusual difference, but I think it also has something to do with how I’m growing older. It’s a little like the first time you put makeup on. It doesn’t match what you’re currently wearing, but it’s so good that you don’t even notice the differences; you feel comfortable in your skin, and this is definitely the case here, as well.

Sometimes people say that I look like an alien, but of course some things are different. I’m not a black girl.

My dad’s a lawyer, and I love my mom and my dad. I love my siblings and my little sister. The other day, when my father got home, I was playing with my little sister, and I said to her, “I just told my dad I just told his dad I want to have a little sister!” and she said, “It’s no big deal!” and I thought, yes, it is big and it’s awesome!

A friend of mine told me once that if my siblings were the same age as me, they wouldn’t be related. A lot of things in my life have made me very close to my siblings — there are days when I’m playing with my little sister, and there are days when we’re at my boyfriend’s house, and there are days when we’re on vacation at Walt Disney World.

At six, I had an uncle who made me take my shirt off, and then I remember my aunt making me do the same thing, but on my neck. But my uncle is dead now, and so are my aunt and my cousin, and I lost my dad when I was eight. I’m still close to my father, just no longer like my dad. But at six, I had such crazy, fun, and active friends. There was something about that.

Even as a little girl, I could do what kids my age did, which is that I would sneak into people’s rooms to eat. Now that I’m an adult, that’s not something that’s something I’ll ever do. I don’t want to steal somebody else’s food! You know, stealing their food is a big thing with people as adults. But when I was a little girl I was all about being sneaky.

That’s why it’s even more sad when I think of the time I spent in the foster care system.

The time I spent in the foster care system was incredibly unpleasant. They separated me from my mother and I couldn’t live with my mother. I was never put in a situation where I was in an environment with other people. I couldn’t interact with other children my age and I was also put in the system when I was in high school, which is so cruel.

I went through a pretty traumatic experience when I was young. To this day, I feel like I’ve been a victim of that, to be lied to about things, to be told that there is no life beyond prison. My experience in foster care wasn’t like everybody else’s. At five, I was in foster care and I was raised in a situation where I didn’t have a lot of human interaction, which is something I’ve always been sensitive to.

I just never found myself to be a very social person. It’s been hard for me to get myself to really talk and be social until I left the foster system at a young age. I have always felt like I can’t connect with other people until I leave them behind.

That’s why I love to listen to music.