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Wellness

What Is Your Best Friend? What Is Your Worst Enemy?

If these questions can be framed and addressed — and if we can develop friendships that are based upon love, not hatred or resentment — we can be our own best friends and our own worst enemies.

We all need one person to have that special relationship. We can find that one good friend, we can find another good friend, and we can find a third to be our worst enemy. There are so many stories about the most loyal friends, our parents and grandparents, our co-workers, our children, our colleagues, our children’s friends. And it seems like there is something in them, in them a little bit– something that connects us. They can tell us something about us. That’s the best friend. That’s the one that is there to help you through tough times, that’s the one that will be there to help you deal with problems, that’s the one that’s there to tell you what’s going on in your life– that’s the one to tell you why you are doing what you’re doing or why you did the things that you are doing. And then there is something even deeper that connects us to each other. It seems like we all have that core value we all share. When we look at the stories, those core values do come together, and we all do know something important about each other. We just have to be willing to connect with that something that gives us those deeper connections.

When we get into the depth of our relationships, it takes us outside of the normal boundaries of our human interactions. We go to our deepest areas of vulnerability. Our deepest needs, our deepest need for others to listen to us, or be in our presence. And then, we can find an awareness that we need to connect more, we need to reach beyond the limits of our normal human interactions and reach out to people who have a passion of love and want to share it with us. And that’s when we’re doing healing work and connecting to ourselves and to those around us.

When we connect with ourselves, when we connect with someone from deep within ourselves, we can find the courage we needed to do those things at other times. We can find that courage to do those deep things in our relationship. And then we can reach out to the people who want to be there for us when we have difficulties, who want to support us and listen to us when we’re in difficulty.

For example, when I had a very tough time with my own father, my wife and children and others around me stepped up. Our therapist, Mr. Dickson, was there for me, his spouse was there for me, my mother was there for me. One of my great sources of strength and support were my friends. Without them, I would be in a world of trouble.

When that happens, the core values in people reach out to each other and we have to let them connect. We don’t have to agree with these relationships, but we can listen to them, support them. And if we find that we’re not getting the support that we need in some way from those people, we can do that too and let them know that we were in their shoes a long time ago. Let them know our pain and let them know how we’re trying to get through it.

There are many things that have to happen at a basic level in order for us to have such relationships with others. But there are others that you can start to do at a deeper level, that you can start to connect with. And then what you’re gonna find is you’re in a much better place with yourself and your life. And that’s what’s going to build trust and help you do the things you want to do.

That’s how you make friendships. You don’t make friends by making judgments. You make friends by letting people know what you’re not– what you are not. Letting other people know what you’re not doing and also what you will be doing.

If you’re really open and clear as to what you don’t do and what you will be doing, and that you will put in place a system to ensure that you do not do this, you’re just going to have less problems. More people will want to be close to you and you will help them to be more close to you. Then those people are going to want to help you be able to be that close. That’s called deep involvement.

There’s a book I read in the mid ’80s called The Secrets of Love by James Baldwin.