When Everything Is Perfect, How To Deal With Pain

I’m lucky to work in a job that’s physically challenging. Because of that, I don’t get a lot of sun. If I spend hours in the sun, it leaves a bit of a red ring from my face where it bleaches through my skin. When I look in the mirror, redness seems almost unavoidable.

In my work, stress and pain are often the most common issues I encounter. I’m also very good at dealing with them. So, do you know how to manage stress and pain better? Here’s how.

How To Deal With Stress & Pain Better

First, remember the concept of “non-identity.” This is a powerful insight. It is the reason most people find it difficult to be happy when they are in pain and stressed out. When we focus on our identity — our being with or without pain or stress — it becomes difficult to see where the pain and stress are coming from.

Once you’ve accepted the concept of being not “you,” you will be able to see the pain and stress as part of your “uniqueness,” an aspect of yourself.

This can come in the form of pain you feel when your work or relationships fail. When you’re upset, you are no longer trying to be just another person and you feel unique.

This process can also help you with stress that comes from other things in your life. For example, if you are stressed out by the prospect of starting a new business or a relationship, then you need to get out of that state of mind. Let yourself be happy while you are working or when your relationship with your partner is making progress. Even better, let them know that you are doing everything in your power that you can to keep them healthy.

I recently read on the blog of a woman who wrote about this concept. She had a client that was in the midst of losing one of her partners. When this went sour, she felt a lot of pain and was extremely upset, which was not helpful. She was also dealing with some stress in her own life at home, where her child was sick with food allergies.

She got her priorities straight and found that even though she was upset about losing a relationship, she stopped thinking exclusively about the partner’s wellbeing. She realized that in those moments she could be happy with the little things, the little things that would actually make things better in the future. Once she understood that being upset over her own personal problems was unhealthy, it helped her to see the bigger picture.

It won’t always be possible to let go of an identity and the “you” that we have been “trained” to be as self-centered as possible. You might be overwhelmed by other things in life but it is also possible to recognize the pain, stress and even anger you are feeling.

I’m sure you’ve come across things like this:

I’m feeling emotional/pain/stress-y at work. I don’t like to be around other people, I’m being an asshole and you’re not my type of person. I’m trying to lose weight, get fit, get a better job (I hate this job, I hate you, and I feel nothing). I don’t like to work overtime, I don’t want to work with you, you are a terrible person, you’re a dickhead, nobody wants me and the world is over but yours. I’m feeling so horrible because of the whole baby thing (you’re so beautiful, you remind me too much of my daughter) and I cannot take this any more, please don’t put us 2nd in the queue. I know I am being unreasonable and I just want to get in and get my job done, and this is making me so crazy, I’m crying, I’m angry, I’m having another of my heart attacks, please don’t hire me. I really don’t want to do this, please don’t. I am working on getting this work done, and it is killing me, I’m sick of it, I’m so angry, I’m so stressed, and I don’t want to do anything right now. I’m so tired of being unhappy, I don’t have time to smile anymore. Is this how your life is going? Please don’t be mean. This life is really hard for me and I want to improve my life. I’m really just tired of being miserable and I need a change, I just wish I could just quit this job. You guys are just a bunch of liars, you don’t do anything. This guy is the worst and I really hate him, I wish you’d leave. I hate my job. I’m so miserable! I don’t know what to do. Please don’t hire me. Please, please, please, please. It’s so hard at work!! I can barely sit still at home.