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Wellness

When One Man Dies, Does Another Pick Up His Phone?

It’s not easy, but sometimes that phone can be a lifeline to a loved one. In this video I’m talking about the importance of maintaining friendships through the end of life. If you’re ready to give it a try, please contact Marianne@nuSI.com.

When one life ends, does another person go out there and pick up the phone and find out what’s going on? I know this is a scary thing to do, but I’ve found that the best way to help a friend cope with losing a life partner is to be supportive and not be too judgmental. Let yourself see what you do to make them feel that way. Do you check on them every hour and say “I love you”, do you make them a snack or send them flowers or do you simply accept that your friend passed quietly away? In order to make this process easier, I recommend setting up a little “phone bank”. Here is my own little list on how you can set it up.

To set up a simple cellphone call bank, simply go to your cellphone and create a virtual contact on the phone. Choose a phone number of someone you have lost contact with. That number is yours, and anyone else who calls you or text you can talk to them. The idea is that whoever you give this number to can easily receive your phone calls even if they never pick up the phone. For instance, my friend John was not one to talk much, but he sometimes left a letter for me or a birthday message on my phone. John was just over 60 years old so he never left a message after receiving one of my birthday requests. But, sometimes he would stay in touch through the phone, which I was very happy about. Sometimes all he had to do was dial a number on his phone and he can make a call to anyone in the world, regardless of whether or not they were on the phone with him. Just don’t get mad when they call you. John never hung up on me, but if one of the other folks in “Johnland” picked up the phone to find out what was going on, one of us is going to make a phone call. But, we shouldn’t take any action against the person who answers the phone, simply because it is John. He is the person who called us, and we can only hope that he was not trying to cause any more drama than he needed to. If you’re reading this post, you are probably already doing this because you know just what he was trying to do to make us feel better. So, don’t take it personal, just respect our wishes and let John do as he please in this life. You can find a phone bank here! But, it is best to have a lot of these numbers in your phone, so that anyone who calls it can reach someone. Don’t be too harsh. I know I would’ve been upset and hurt if I had found out John’s phone hadn’t been activated. I’d feel guilty all over again and hurt again. John was a good friend, and there was no reason why we shouldn’t all give our support to him.

But let’s say John never dials the phone bank. That doesn’t mean that someone else can’t make a phone call. John did it to make me feel better (well at least if he made my birthday wish to me). And, if you know John’s phone had been lost, that one person may not be able to make your birthday wishes come true. But if you do decide to make these calls, be supportive. Let other people know that you are a friend who will help them if you have to. As they make these phone calls, show appreciation for that person for making someone else feel better. And, be happy. That’s the most important thing right there. Happy people make good friends. This video was released on the “Singing John” project.

If you would like to learn more about the Singing John video project for family and friends who have lost a loved one, contact Mary@nuSI.com.