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Wellness

When Should We Do Something About The Lack Of Attention To Our Children?

I believe in the importance of parenting.

I believe that we all know and have known that our kids deserve love and attention. I also firmly believe that our kids need to receive this special care until they are adults — or it’s too late.

I believe every parent out there should work to give their children every opportunity to reach their idealized peak of success in life. My parents instilled in me the values of hard work, accountability, discipline and independence for every child. I know my father wanted and taught me early that we are all different and that different people can live their lives in different ways.

When I started looking into parenting books, I came across The Attention Fairy, by the wonderful Dr. Susan Scott. I learned that there are several aspects of childhood happiness that have to be nurtured and developed, and that parents play an important role in this process.

As I came across several other books, such as The Attention-Deficit Disorder Solution, by Dr. Susan Scott and The Attention-Deficit Disorder Treatment Program, by Dr. Robert Cialdini, and finally, The Attention Revolution, by Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, I realized that the best strategy to help our children to become the successful role models we know they can and will be — will be to give them a regular amount of quality attention.

I believe in a two-track approach to my parenting, which will begin well before the birth and continue on through adolescence and adulthood.

The First Track : Regular and Intense Attention

The first track to developing optimal attention levels in our kids will be through regular quality attention. We will start with the very early hours of infancy. I believe that when babies are first crying, we need to listen and offer comfort, as well as provide a safe and secure place for them to develop their senses. In order to build a secure attachment to my baby, I created a special safe area specifically for them to rest and feed. I taught my baby and myself that when my baby was hungry, she had “free time”. I created several different kinds of safe places for my baby to sleep every single night. On the very first night, I created a “bed-time” area where my baby could curl up and relax (in an oversized blanket or a toy that makes it look like her little bed) and I placed her in my bed and called her a good night.

Later on in life, when my daughter was about three months old, I created the first special bedtime area for her. She slept on a cot in a special, special high chair, placed in a special room with her other brothers and herself. Every night my baby lay in her special safe place, I slept in my regular bed next to her.

By the time she was about five months old, I created the first “real” safe room for my babies. I set up a little cot with a sleeping mat on it on the floor next to the kitchen, and all of our brothers sat on these sleeping mats, where they could sleep when our little girl was tired of playing. The baby had her own little “bed” — a separate sleeping area in the kitchen that was about the size of a real crib. This special sleeping area provided my babies the extra attention they needed.

The Second Track : The Continuous Flow Of Attention

This is the track my son will follow for the rest of his life. Our son needs constant, intensive attention. I believe that our children, no matter how hard they work, can only do so much with all you can teach them. It’s just a given that it becomes impossible for our children in school to handle such complex problems. The children are always going to be at an advantage because they have more brains than our brains. My son is an example of the difference between the “regular” and the “intensive” track to attention. I believe that the more continuous the flow of real, ongoing attention, the more difficult it is for kids to become disengaged and lose their focus.

The reason we are concerned about how little kids get real-time attention is that children who get that kind of attention, will eventually develop the capacity to do and experience many things for themselves. With attention, the kids need their “safe places” to develop — because if they don’t, they will not be able to function well without having something on their safe zones to provide stimulation.