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Wellness

When Someone Hates You, What Do You Do?

There are different ways to react to bullying. Sometimes we can let the person go on with their lives, or we can be angry. Or we can be defensive or defensive.

I would like to tell you how I have come to understand and have reacted to how and when the internet has targeted me. When I was in school, I was bullied a lot. I am not sure I ever had an individual bully. I had one group of kids who were more dominant than the others. I had heard things that they liked about me before school, and there was no denying that I was cute in a weird way. There were other people who were friends with them. They said “I hate him too, but that is not fair since he didn’t like me.” I would get angry because I didn’t know I could hurt them or be hurt myself. In high school I got really bad depression symptoms, and was in a lot of bad ways for a good part of time. I could see that I was getting better, but in between times it was difficult to remember that it was the depression, not my body or people around me, that was hurting me. I became withdrawn and started cutting myself, which is not a sign of self-harm to me. I was very much an “it’s me, not them” person. Things got much worse when I started taking antidepressants (which is something I knew I would need for my life). I felt very alone and like I had lost a part of my identity. I was lonely and I started doing things to isolate myself, like cutting, not listening, or not caring about things.

One day my friend showed me something about the internet that made me think, “Maybe it’s time to get up and do something about my depression.” I thought my friend was exaggerating when he said it was about my looks, but maybe my face was bad enough to warrant someone saying “it’s not fair” to my feelings. So I looked into the internet more, and I found that there were several sites I thought would have been helpful to address my depression. Then I found another website that said “It’s about your feelings.” I went back to school the next day, and I thought I would go see if I could make friends that way. I made new friends very fast because I needed to, but it was hard for me to talk to them, or have friends that I could be comfortable in with, and actually try something about my depression.

But I guess by then I was having enough problems that I wanted to try something, and maybe that’s it.

I think about this time in my life a lot, because I feel so lonely. I feel like there is a huge void in a large part of my life now. I am an online presence, but I don’t really talk to anyone who I live in proximity of on the internet. I feel like, there are more people that are hurting in my own world than there are the people who I know in the world I live in.

So I think I have reached a point in my life where I am starting to look for new ways to reach out and be social (I don’t know if that will ever change). What do I do? How do I get others to love me, so that I can finally be the person that I want to be in this world and to have people say “it’s about your love that gives you strength, not the fact that you have a lot of feelings.”

But what I want to know is, what is the reason for that?

I think that this has changed my perspective on depression. And I don’t think it is a good reason that I can make it better.

Do you have that same motivation as me?

I would appreciate any comments, good or worse, that you may have.

And for people who like my blog, as well as for people who don’t, I hope that you find joy and happiness.