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Wellness

Why Are We So Relentlessly Judgmental?

It is all too easy to judge and be judgmental, and judging others can become a habit, and therefore an unhealthy one. When you judge someone else, it’s not only causing you to have negative feelings, but in many cases you don’t know why you dislike someone, and you even may disagree with their actions and feelings. This habit of judgment can create unhealthy relationships between those people in your life. Also, judgement can lead to unhealthy thinking that can lead to unhealthier actions.

This is a short and simple post from me about another human behavior that many of us become so dependent upon in order to survive: Judging people. We judge someone because of the person themselves, not who they seem to be to us. This is very much related to the topic of “Why Are We So Relentlessly Judgmental?” and I encourage you to read that post and learn the deeper meanings in my post. If you haven’t read it (or have just skimmed over it), then you need to check it out! The title of my post, “The Science of How We Judge People” explains the deeper meaning and connection between our judging and our judgments.

It’s good to know that our perceptions of someone are not always accurate. As an example, I’ve experienced many times when a stranger is talking to me and a part of me wants them to stop talking to me, but the parts of me that want them to stop talk are actually stronger.

When we try to influence others by being in their face, our ability to influence them does not necessarily reach an appropriate level. I am a big believer in this, as the longer we are influenced by others without the intention to influence them, the more likely we are to try and affect their behavior in ways that are not actually accurate.

Just because you are in the eye of the judge, does not mean this person is better, worse, or of no value at all.

This is a question I get quite a bit of. When a person feels the need to show me that they are worth my time, I often have to respond by saying that they are of no value at all, and that my time and focus are directed elsewhere. It is not their fault to feel the way that they do, they are not deserving of attention, but it is important to remember that a person does not need to be able to prove their worth to me, because I already know it for a fact. I already know, I already see the value in them and value in who they are. There is no more that can be done to show someone else that they are worth it, it’s not even a conversation worth having. People are already worth what is in their own hearts and minds, and they should not be judged in the way that is described in this very text.

Sometimes this is not the truth in all situations. Sometimes someone just needs to know that you value them even if you don’t agree with them in all situations. Sometimes you have different values in different situations, and having different values does not necessarily mean that you have to always agree with each other and always have a “helicopter parent” for everyone. Sometimes you can have differing values for different situations which only requires a little consideration and respect, and no argument at all. You can have a differing value for different situations and still be on the same team for getting the most out of someone in a particular situation.

I think if you know that a person is worth being around and if you are willing to show that you are willing to consider that person as valuable, and if you are willing to work with that person on getting the most out of the interactions that you have as a relationship, then that person will be able to show you that they are worth it. For me, at least.