Why Do We Do It?

We tend to justify our lives to ourselves. We have to be smart, we have to be ambitious in a certain way, we have to be talented, we have to do our job well so that we can get a good salary, etc. That’s not what life is built around, however. Life is built around having adventures and finding new ways to live a life worth living.

I think of my life as part of an adventure. I love it every minute I’m here. I’m constantly learning and exploring and developing, just like other people who make a living in this kind of work. As I write this, I’m making a living of writing in this place that I’m currently in. That’s life. That’s my life. It’s not to say that my life isn’t great – it absolutely is. But I see everything in a larger context than being the best at that single thing, and I try to recognize the other aspects of my life.

Now let’s talk about “why do we do it?”

Why does anyone do anything? Is it for the thrill? Is it to have a wonderful new job you were born to do? Is it to have a fantastic and fulfilling new experience you were born to have? No. There’s more than a chance that your answer is yes to each, but the reason people do these things is because if they were forced to do them, they would feel trapped in their lives. We’d be miserable.

The reason that we do things for reasons like these is because people will always need us to help them. We’ll always need people to help us. And that’s okay.

But why do we think that it’s okay to do things for reasons like these? Why do we feel like it’s ok to not be happier? To have an unhappy relationship? To not have the ability to be happy? Why do we think that being happy is good to have and not to have? Why do we feel like we have to be happy to be normal? Why do we feel like it’s better than being just like other people? Why do we feel like it’s better to always be “better” than other people? Why do we have to be better than other people? Why can’t we be better than normal? Why are we so terrified of being normal? Why do we feel that we have to live our life like any other person’s? Why are we so afraid?

This is what I think my friends with bipolar do. They can either take things for granted, or they’ll take them for granted. They take each day as it comes, and then they try to make the best of it. They’ll get up and go to work on time, they’ll get up and do their best, they’ll go see a movie – and they’ll do anything.

They’ll get angry that they can’t feel good or happy, to love or be loved. They’ll get angry that their friend might get arrested or lose a job because of an accident. They’ll get angry that no one understands their problems, that every situation is “their problem,” they’ll get angry that they’re not good enough, they’ll get angry that they’re being treated with kid gloves by people who can help.

And they’ll do all these things because they don’t want the whole world to see them as “the problem.”

They need help from people who aren’t willing to give it – and who don’t have it either. Which is okay – but it’s not ok to do it alone.

I don’t think I was bipolar when I was born. I think I was made bipolar when I was forced to accept it. And that’s ok.

We’re not going to get rid of the idea of bipolarity or depression or anxiety so much as we’re giving it more room to be an “introvert’s thing,” to an “insecurity thing.” And the idea of us being afraid to go to work, our job, or to live our own lives is something we need to accept.