Why Do You Think I’m So Happy?

There was a time when I felt hopeless, because I wasn’t experiencing bliss.

Many of us are hopeless for different reasons. Sometimes it’s because of fear in the wake of tragedy, or grief, or loss of a loved one. Other times it’s not happiness or sadness but uncertainty about what the world may look like from day to day or year to year. But all too often, our experiences of happiness are conditioned and conditioned by happiness that was already felt. As a young adult, if you couldn’t look out the window or enjoy being out in the world, there was no joy in your life and no reason to want it. But we didn’t learn the value of joy until well beyond middle age. For us, the road to happiness is not always marked by a certain amount of money or achievement. The road to happiness might be littered with disappointments and unfulfilling relationships. It may be marked by a constant struggle to find something that inspires us to love ourselves and one another.┬áThe reason happiness is so elusive for many of us is that it isn’t enough. We don’t measure up. Perhaps that’s because it was never really enough. This is especially true for the ones who are chronically sad and feeling hopeless.

I’m grateful that my parents took me to see L’Enfant Plaza on the day I would turn 16. ( I will always remember the experience of walking up the staircase and seeing that “I am here because…”). They saw that I didn’t live out what I was taught in kindergarten – as the children used to say.

They saw that I wanted to be something more than a child’s plaything of desire: a loving, compassionate, intelligent person to be. They saw that I wasn’t just another human waiting to be used. They saw that I really wasn’t ready for the life on earth: I wanted something better than what I had.

I saw that I wasn’t looking to be accepted by others, I was looking for the truth about who I really was. I wanted to understand who others were so that I might make choices for the future that were in accordance with the truth.

I found that truth when I came across “Godot.”

What if the reason you aren’t happy right now is because you aren’t looking to be accepted by others, you aren’t looking for the truth about who you really were, you aren’t looking for who you were meant to be – you’re looking for what you can get from life, from people, from a job?

What if the reason you’re not feeling happy is because there is something about who you are that your circumstances do not appreciate? What if instead of being satisfied with the way things are, you really value the way they could be? What if instead of being content with the things that you have, you seek things that you could never have? What if instead of being happy because you’ve found what you’re meant to be, you’re not even sure you were even meant to find it?

If you want to find the person you want to be, what you think you’re meant to be, then you need to recognize where your values meet. What you’re doing right now is just the beginning. It won’t be until some very important, very important, very important things come to life that your life will truly feel different. You’ll be truly happy when you choose love over fear, when you choose happiness over sadness, when you choose life over death. It will happen when you can finally look at the things that matter and start being true to them. And this happens when you choose to follow what you truly think is true, when you take responsibility for what you want. When you look in the mirror, when you tell everyone what you think you should say, when you act for the betterment of the ones in your life, when you live for the people that matter to you – these things make a true difference in those you love.

Why? Because the world you live in is not perfect, it’s not good enough. It’s not good enough because it cannot understand or deal with who you really are. It’s not good enough because it can’t make a lasting impact on your life because it cannot be trusted to love you, to cherish you, to make you truly happy.

What it needs is real change. It needs that good, hard change that is coming.