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Why I Love My Kids With Autism

I love my kids with autism, because I’ve learned the value of unconditional love the hard way, over and over with friends and strangers alike.

I’ve learned that unconditional love is what separates those who’ve experienced a life of adversity from those who are able to overcome it. Those who’ve had traumatic beginnings find love and acceptance on their own, even as adults, but those who have never been touched by tragedy can expect a lifetime of abuse and neglect. People who are struggling to overcome a deep-seated wound are able to learn the power of unconditional love from the ones who have survived the abuse. Those who love and support those who are suffering become heroes themselves.

If unconditional love is what separates those who’ve survived trauma from those who are able to overcome the traumas, then the question is, is unconditional love what separates people with autism from other people?

Why Do People With Autism Have High Self Worth

When I met my husband (we’re now married for 20 years), he was very different from other people my age. I had seen what was going on in him at a young age and I knew I was not the only one struggling. He was extremely anxious and had difficulty with social interaction, so I did what anyone would do: I tried and eventually succeeded in teaching him how to talk. And I learned to do the talking while wearing diapers, because I had no idea what I was talking about! I am not sure he would even be here now if I hadn’t been willing to try. I wasn’t the only one who had difficulties with social interaction at an early age, so the question we all have to ask is, who do you love?

If you want to know the answer to that question, letting go of attachment to anything, including social skills, requires that you come to an entirely new level of self care, because if you’re not prepared to give those resources up for your children, you’ll find it extremely difficult to help them achieve good grades without being able to hold themselves back from feeling self-critical and/or “unattracted” to their own abilities. It’s not that kids with autism are lazy; it’s that they are deeply attached to things, and for them this attachment can take the form of a fear of failure, a desire to control things, a need for an excuse to procrastinate from work or school, and so on. It’s not unreasonable to say that children with high self worth are children with low attachment to the things that matter most.

Does Being Able to Love Yourself Really Make You a Better Mom?

It could be argued that high self worth is a sign of an emotionally healthy mother. But I’m also sure that being able to help your child get all the help that he needs to be happy, even as a toddler, while being a complete and utter motherfucker yourself, makes you the kind of mother your kid needs a million times more than a mother who knows how to love herself.

I wish that one day I would have learned these valuable skills early on, because I know my kids would be in a better position to thrive. I wish my mother had been able to take responsibility for all the things she could have avoided having to do. A mother can be great at one thing, but still not know how to love herself.

I know that a mother who knows she is not good enough is a mother who has no reason to love her kids. A mother who knows her kids aren’t good enough is also very selfish and probably isn’t taking care of them for the right reasons.

One mother I knew had so many reasons to reject her kids that she couldn’t even give them the love and support that they needed. She had her own internal demons that manifested into terrible behaviors, which the kids had to endure.