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Wellness

Why Life Is One Big Event

Every life has its defining moment. That moment can be a birthday party, a wedding, a fight, a divorce, a job change, a death – anything that brings you more things you never thought you wanted – and you want that feeling again. And that’s when you will realize that life is something that is meant to be lived, not just dreamed of.

In the grand scheme of things, a day at the beach is nothing but a drop in the bucket on the grand scale of everything in your life. But every big thing you do (like raising a child or marrying the person you love today) has a lot of people watching. They’re probably wondering how you managed to do all that stuff while not making it all look easy. The thing is, it doesn’t. So when you look back on all the small moments in your life over the course of a single life, it’s that last day at the beach that everyone’s looking at – and it’ll be the last one you’ll ever get a chance to look back on.

In my recent post , I talked about why you want to get a divorce. The question I’m sure that many have is. Is getting divorced always worth it . The short answer is. Yes, in most cases.

This might make a lot of sense in your situation, in which you and your ex had a rough childhood. Or perhaps your ex was in a bad relationship. But in many cases, this situation doesn’t apply. In the vast majority of cases (at least with people who understand divorce), the person who’s trying to win the divorce is the one who wants it. The person who’s not getting divorced might have had a good childhood, but the reason they’re being forced out is because of their actions – the actions that led their ex around a tree. So if your ex made one bad decision after 20 years of being with you, and you just wanted a simple divorce so you’d be out on your own and able to get back together with a new girlfriend, it would probably make sense to get the divorce. It’s that simple.

Now, I want to be clear that this isn’t to say that everyone who wants a divorce is doing it for the right reasons. In some cases, getting a divorce is just an ego trip that the ex wants to get out of the way. In other cases, the situation is actually dire and people are actually suffering. Then it really is something to consider. (And if it’s the second kind of reason, then you need a psychiatrist for a referral.)

But if getting a divorce is what you want it, then this is the way to get it without doing any damage to your relationship. This is what I call.

Is it worth it when your ex is cheating on you?   No. If the reason he or she isn’t in the relationship is because their relationship is falling apart, and you get a divorce then the chances are that he will continue to cheat on you. (See my earlier post on the problem with the “you should stay married if you’re unhappy for more than a year” rule on this .)

Is it worth it if your ex is having an affair and you still want to stay married? Even in this case, maybe not. There will be a long period of time before the ex gets caught and you’ll be left without a significant connection to the person you love. If the reason why your ex didn’t stay in the relationship is because they were with someone else, then at least you’ll get the other person you want. If not, I’d bet that you’re happier in a new romantic relationship with someone else.

Does it make it more likely, and maybe a lot more likely, to see him or her again? Definitely. (See my post on the “you get what you deserve” rule for what makes cheating harder.)

Does it mean you won’t fall back into it (and that there is no such thing as a divorce-free marriage) if you do decide to get a divorce? Of course not. Just stay married because you’re happy and don’t like the idea of being alone and you’re not going back to being in an “I’m so unhappy” relationship.