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Wellness

Why We Do What We Do

A lot of the time, people who know and love people have very similar goals. So what does it mean for them when someone else makes a life change that goes against the person’s vision? How does it feel? What are the consequences? There are plenty of real people whose lives did not go according to plan when they made a life change that was against their values.

It’s all too common for people who care about each other to feel a certain amount of jealousy over an individual’s change in lifestyle. This is common for two reasons:

* jealousy is a feeling that arises from having something you want or need taken away from somebody else. It’s easy to rationalize that somebody else has something you want or need.

* jealousy is a feeling that arises from feeling that someone is in love with somebody else’s desires. It’s easy to rationalize that someone else has in love with somebody else’s desires.

How Often Do You Have To Know Somebody To Be In Love With Them?

Jealous people may feel the need to justify their actions against the person who has changed. They’re not wrong, so they may think, “Maybe if we had known one more time, we would have known that they would let us down.” That may be true at some point or it may be that they do in fact make their own decisions. Who knows?

You have to get to know somebody with whom you want to share your life before you can make a decision to stay with that individual. You can only know a person for three months before you decide you don’t trust them. You know better than others what happens in somebody else’s life. How often are you there, anyway? How often do you care?

Jealous people are sometimes not very conscious when it comes to their jealousy. They may not be very conscious it is happening to them, but they do think about it constantly. They have a hard time not acting on their jealousy when they’re worried about somebody else liking somebody else’s change in lifestyle—or maybe when they want to know more about a person they care about.

We can tell when we care about somebody else because we love them, or we like and respect them. We will see that person being their true self whether you like them or not.

For instance, when I was married for two years, I was totally infatuated with my wife. I didn’t care much for my father, and I had no interest in getting closer to anybody beyond my family. I also had no interest in traveling because I had never seen anyone from another country and wasn’t interested at all in learning more about them or trying to learn about anybody else. I was just interested in being with my wife and her children. I spent little time learning about anybody else’s personal lives, besides my wife’s. If I was around my father and my mother, I wouldn’t talk to them, and even my sister wouldn’t talk to me, though my family was very close. If I was around anyone else, I wouldn’t have been as close to that person.

I spent a lot of time focusing on my wife. I saw all her children. I even saw my father from time to time on days he was visiting. If I wasn’t around my wife and I didn’t know how much she hated me or didn’t like or respected me, I would feel like I wasn’t connected to her or to anyone at all.

It was only with my husband, if I stayed late at work after her night school and she was gone, I would start to talk to her, to tell her my feelings of love and how she meant more to me than any of my other relatives. It was only with my husband that I even talked to my father. If I didn’t get home fast enough to see my dad, I would talk to my brother’s wife. Even my children, if they weren’t with their mothers, would talk to me about what they’d seen and heard.