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Wellness

Why We Fear What Isn’t There And Why We Fear What Is

If we learn to live in the present moment, we are in a much healthier state than if we are only aware of what we’ve been “noticing.”

It can be easy to get stuck in a state of anxiety. If someone close to us tells us we’re not loved, it can make us feel hurt, misunderstood, scared, and even more anxious because we’re thinking: “But he’s telling me I’m not a good enough person to love them.” And the truth is, we are not worthy of the love of the person who rejects us. That’s why our first thought should be to move past that moment of anger. In time, we will be able to let go of that anger and realize we’re not worthy of love. The sooner you begin to move past a feeling, the more you will come to accept your true worth and the more you will be able to live the life you want.

(If, on the other hand, you can’t let go of these feelings, then start by doing something about them. For instance, tell them you care and you’re sorry.)

(Also, do things to help yourself, be it meditating or exercise or just thinking of things you’d like to do. This can help you calm your mind and feel better.

When you’re feeling anxious, try to relax your body as much as you can, especially the parts where you aren’t used to moving. Then go with the feelings. They can be a little scary but you have to face them)

If you can, try not to react to someone’s attitude at first. Most of the time, that person isn’t intending to make you feel that way (or they weren’t expecting to). If this is the case, then let the thought pass. Take things as they come.

If you feel you need to say something now, try: “I’m not sure what was meant by what I just said. Maybe you’re misunderstood and I’m trying my best to be understanding.”

Or: “Maybe you’re just looking for a fight. I’m sorry if that upset you.”

Or: “I can imagine you’re upset right now. I really am!” (It’s ok, we’re all human.)

If you feel you’re really in the right, then just accept the reaction. “That’s very kind of you to say that!”

(It can be helpful to remember that all people have a natural fear of losing. We all struggle with the same things. It’s ok to recognize that for us, and learn to let go of our fears.)

In fact, when you feel you’re not in the right, it can be helpful to remind yourself that all humans will eventually die. All beings on Earth died once. So, as much as you don’t want to believe it, every person on Earth is going to die and all the people who died are now in heaven. It’s ok to experience some sadness at their passing. It makes sense.

When you let the pain go, the feelings should naturally pass. (Or, if the pain is still there, and doesn’t go away fast enough, then you might think: “I’m not ready to see someone that I can’t touch and I would rather hide.” )

Once you realize that when you feel a feeling this way, it isn’t a problem to be angry at or to let go of the feeling, you’re in much better shape. If you find yourself being too upset with a person that’s rude to you, it’s because you haven’t done anything to remove the feeling or to deal with them. And that means that you can take another attitude towards them. For instance, it’s okay to think: “Why doesn’t he care as much about people like me as he does about other people?” This will help you feel better. There are no more feelings to be buried deep within. (You know, like depression.)

You’ll find that people who are rude, or don’t take their role in a relationship seriously, or won’t try to understand their partners, or don’t make an effort to talk about their feelings, or don’t make a serious effort to treat you with the respect you deserve; will usually not be good people to be around. If you start with being polite and understanding, once you have that down, you can be friendly and caring and then you may start to have some positive interactions.