Categories
Wellness

Why We’re Afraid To Be Alone

The human brain’s main activity is to create our life story. Your life story, like your body’s clock, is constantly getting ticking. If you have trouble letting go of a memory, it’s likely that you have some unresolved issues that we are not doing the work to resolve.

I have a new client who has been having some emotional turmoil in recent weeks. Our work has gotten to her and a few months ago, I recommended something that I knew she would have an issue with — “going it alone.” I had expected a negative reaction, but she seemed to enjoy the experience. I told her the following morning that she’d be the one doing the therapy. Her eyes widened at first, but then she gave me a quizzical look. She’s probably figured out that she’s not alone and is just trying to help. At this point, she’s probably having trouble with confidence. I’m not sure how much she’d be willing to do for you personally, but I think she’d be open to helping you work through your issues. You could always go in with your therapist and you could always go in with a friend. But if you feel safe being out on a date with someone, you’re definitely doing it wrong.

You need to stop letting the past take away all of your personal accomplishments. The only reason you’ve managed to achieve so much is because you’ve had friends or family to lean on when those “other people” didn’t. If you don’t have someone to lean on when things go wrong for you, you’ll never see that progress as anything more than a fantasy. The only way to create a future for yourself is to create a future for yourself on your own.

How can you tell when it’s time to move on? I think that one of the best ways to see what is going on for sure is to look at your life situation as a puzzle. When you have a puzzle, you want to know where each piece fits. You can tell when you’re moving on if you: • Have a new date, a new job, or new friends you can go on walks and outings with. • Start making more money • Start working more • Start going to class more • Start making more money • Start going to school more • Start taking classes that interest you • Start working on your skills • Start creating your dreams • Start creating your goals

How far do you want to see your dreams come true? I would love to see you running a marathon any day. I’d also love to see you becoming a professional artist. I’m more of a photographer these days, but I know what it’s like when someone says, “That guy’s got it.” Even if you don’t really have it, you feel that your life has a chance to be better.

How can you turn down a date. There’s no question what you deserve when it comes to love. You’re pretty selfless, you’re caring and you have all the right attributes to be successful. But sometimes you just aren’t that special. One of the best ways to learn to be happy in spite of your circumstances is to learn to turn down any potential romantic advance you get from someone. You’ve got to show them that you want someone you can depend on to come along for the ride — not someone who thinks they’re special — when they aren’t.

How can you set boundaries with your partner. I’ve been in the same relationship for six years now and we haven’t had an extramarital affair. I’m not 100% convinced that this is because we’re really good friends, but what if I told you we’re probably good friends? There has to be something, because what if we just aren’t compatible for other reasons? A couple of different relationships and you wouldn’t find the person you like anymore. The best way that you can show that it’ll never work out is to establish a clear boundary about the relationship. You can set your limits about certain things and you can also set up time with your friend for different activities that you can do to see if you want to continue a friendship. This step isn’t easy, because you’re often at odds because the conflict comes from your jealousy.

Are they worth it? I had this problem with my first boyfriend, but it wasn’t until I found the help of a therapist to work through it that I realized how much I actually needed him.