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Wellness

Why You Can’t Get What You Want When Others Want It More Than You

I believe we all want to be the rock star we think we should be — and we try to act in such a way that they accept and validate that. In other words, if you’re constantly trying to get what they want more than they want to give it to you, then you are in the wrong life path. To find your life path, look deeper and take a moment to realize that everyone has what they want; that everyone has something that you don’t. And then, start living. Let them have what they want and then have what you want. This is the path to success.

What would spring fever look like to you? Maybe it would be a feeling of unrest, even though it’s not obvious to others. There’s a feeling that goes along with being unencumbered by everyday demands. The more you try to hide from something — a problem, a feeling, a stressor — the more you invite its return to haunt you. And that’s just the beginning. If you do what others expect, you give up whatever it is that matters most. In short, you give up your worth. The solution? Live for now. It’s what we all need, and if you take the first step by living for now, there’s no limit to what you’ll experience.

What do the numbers on your bank bill and your paycheck look like to you? Now ask yourself this: What are the numbers on your face?

What would you be willing, without a second thought, to give up for your dream job in a company or organization you really care about? If you answered, “nothing,” then you don’t really care about building your business. And you might have some good reason for this. But if it’s because you’re just afraid of losing “the other shoe to drop” and your dream job will slip through your fingers like the falling of the leaves in autumn, then maybe change your tune.

Do you really believe that people work most efficiently when they’re all free to get in front of their computers or screens? The answer is yes. But in the business world, efficiency in how the day is organized is often based on the people who are paid to do it. In other words, efficiency is often about people and money.

The more money you make, the more efficiency you have, and when you make money by doing work that you love, then efficiency goes up and you work less. That’s not a bad tradeoff. And if you think that being in a high-pressure, high-risk environment that has a lot to prove to your boss at the moment is something that will kill you, then you’re not looking at it right.

In his book, “The Way of the Eagle: Leadership Lessons for the 21st Century,” Bruce F. Riedel states that if people are working so hard to not be held back by their fears, then they’re likely working so hard to find solutions to their fears that they are ignoring their dreams. If you’re working so hard to not go the wrong direction that you forget that the things that will create the most potential will always be in front of you, then what you’re really worrying about is not reaching your full potential because most of your potential is already out there.

The solution? Look beyond your immediate needs. What do you value the most right now? What could you use to turn your potential from raw potential into something real?

If you’re working hard to stay focused on those answers, then you’re on the right path. You’re on a good path.

What’s your biggest fear? When I ask this question, I’m really asking how your fear is holding you back from your dream. What are you afraid of losing? What are you afraid of not realizing your dreams? If you’ve answered “nothing,” then you have missed the point. As long as you’re able to ask, “how can I find the answer to that question and use it as a stepping stone?” then you’re on the right path.

When you’re able to identify your three biggest fears and put them on the table, you’ve created a new frame for yourself. You’ve opened the question. And if you put your focus on taking your greatest fear and working your ass off to get it (and using your greatest fear as one of your biggest goals) then you’re on the right path.